The Invisible Shift

Dear Diary,

I was looking at an old photo today from when the twins were seven. It’s strange how the 'chaos' changed back then. We had survived the nappies and the toddler meltdowns, but suddenly my calendar was filling up with things I couldn't physically control.

I call it the 'Invisible Shift.' 

It was the era of the school run, the constant buzz of birthday parties, and those long afternoons at the dance studio. On the outside, I was just another mum waiting for her kids, but on the inside, I was constantly calculating my bandwidth—measuring exactly how many steps I had left before my body gave out.

This was when I really learned that my 'maintenance' wasn't a luxury—it was my armour. 

Here is what those years really looked like behind the 'I'm fine' smile..." The nature of the struggle changed as they hit seven. We moved from the physical 'doing' to the mental 'managing.' This was the era where they really started to gain independence. They could find their own snacks and, more importantly, they started to see my physical needs without me saying a word. They became my 'little helpers,' naturally closing the gaps because they’d grown up watching me navigate the world differently.

But their social and extracurricular lives exploded.

Every week was a cycle of dance classes, rehearsals, and the high-pressure buildup to exams. I remember the physical challenge of those long waits—sitting on hard plastic chairs in drafty halls, my neck and pelvis screaming for the recliner, while I watched them perfect their steps. The pride of seeing them succeed in those exams was immense, but the 'invisible cost' to my body was real.

Every weekend was a birthday party in a soft-play centre or a house that wasn’t designed for me.

This is where my bandwidth was truly tested. The sensory overload from the parties and the loud music of the dance studios was immense.

I remember leaning heavily into my £20 coffee budget during these years. It wasn't just about the drink; it was the twenty minutes of stillness I needed to reset my nervous system after a chaotic party or a long afternoon at the dance school. I had to learn that saying 'no' to some social things was the only way to say 'yes' to my own health. We found our rhythm in the middle ground—less lifting, more coordinating.

love

Sunday Thoughts: The Art of Sitting Still (When the Mind is Running)

 

Dear diary,

It’s a new normal Sunday for me.

Usually, the world tells you that Sundays are for resetting, for planning the week ahead, or for going out on big family adventures. But if you’ve been following this blog for a while—or if you live with a disability or chronic illness yourself—you know that our calendars don't always look like everyone else's.

Today, my calendar just says: Rest.

I’m sitting here with a cup of tea (the third one? possibly the fourth), listening to the hum of the house. The washing machine is doing its thing in the background—a sound that always grounds me—, and I am trying, really trying, to listen to my body.

Living with Cerebral Palsy (CP) is a constant negotiation. It’s a daily board meeting between what my brain wants to do and what my body is actually willing to permit. Lately, the physical side of things has been loud. There have been twinges in my neck, pain in my foot, and that heavy, familiar fatigue that feels like wearing a coat made of lead.

In the past, I would have fought this. I would have sat here feeling guilty, looking at the dust motes dancing in the light, thinking about all the things I should be doing. I would have worried that I wasn’t being consistent enough, or loud enough, or "productive" enough.

But I’m learning that there is a difference between being "productive" and being "creative."

Because even though I am physically sitting still—because the CP demands it today—my mind is travelling at a hundred miles an hour. That is the strange, beautiful contradiction of this life. The body might be parked in the slow lane, but the imagination is racing down the motorway.

That’s actually how my latest book came to be.

You might have seen that Book 4 is finally out in the wild. It’s on Amazon now, sitting there with its shiny cover, available for anyone to read. It feels strange to say it’s "done." For months, those poems were my constant companions. They were the scribbles made in waiting rooms, the notes typed out on my phone in the middle of the night when sleep wouldn't come, and the thoughts that kept me company when I was stuck in a chair, unable to move much else.

Now that it’s out, the standard advice is to push it. Market it. Shout about it. Post about it every hour.

But that’s not really the "Sweetestmoondust" way, is it?

The book is out there. It exists. It is a branch of this tree, but it isn’t the whole tree. The tree is this—the reality of a Sunday where the biggest achievement is managing the pain levels and keeping the peace.

And besides, my brain has already moved on.

Even as I sit here nursing this tea, guarding my energy, I can feel the spark of something new starting to catch. It’s the "writer’s curse"—you finish one project, and before the ink is even dry, the next idea starts tapping on your shoulder. I’m already plotting the next thing. I won’t say too much yet (mostly because it’s still a chaotic mess of notes and daydreams), but it’s there.

It reminds me that resilience isn't always about fighting the current. Sometimes, resilience is just floating.

So, if you are reading this and feeling guilty because you aren’t "hustling" today, or because your body has forced you to stop when you wanted to go—please, take a breath with me.

You are allowed to just be. You are allowed to let the washing machine provide the soundtrack to your day. You are allowed to let your creative work be a quiet stream rather than a flood.

I am going to finish this tea. I am going to rest my neck. And I am going to let the new ideas bubble away quietly in the background while I do absolutely nothing else.

Thank you for being here, and for reading the branches of my story.

With love (and plenty of tea),

💓

The Foundation Years

Dear Diary,

Its been a long time in the coming. I have finally got my fourth book out. ""The Foundation Years" . After so many years of anxiety, waiting and so much change since the last book that was published back in 2016. 

But it's now January 2026 and "The Foundation Years " has been out for 2 weeks.

Looking back, it’s hard to believe the last one was published way back in 2016. 

So much has happened in those ten years—so much anxiety, so much waiting, and changes I never could have predicted.

Between the lockdowns and the moves, there were times when life didn’t feel safe. We had to leave the "original" home behind to find a place where we could all just be.

For a long time, I was just "planning" and waiting for the time to be right. I was carrying decades of what was never said, spending time and money on masks that just didn’t fit.

But sitting here today, I realize the "growth" I was waiting for was happening inside all along.

My home is finally clean and secure. We are safe and sound. And while I’m seeing the changes in my body as I get older, I’m finding that mentally, I’m getting so much bolder. 

The noise from what others once made is finally beginning to fade. I can join my past to my future and finally be who I want to be.

"The Foundation Years" is out. The weight is lifted. And now, I’m ready to start writing the next chapter.

Love 

🌙✨

The Rigid Years: Navigating the School Bell with CP

 

Dear diary 

It's now January 2026, and I'm looking at my calendar for this January, with all the medical appointments and 'face maintenance,' I can’t help but think back to when the little ones were five. Back then, a calendar this full felt like a battlefield.

​Ages five to seven were the 'Rigid Years.' Everything revolved around that school bell. For a mum with CP, that bell isn't just a sound; it’s a high-stakes deadline. I remember the anxiety of the school gate—standing there (or sitting in my scooter) and feeling the 'able-bodied' gaze. You wonder if the other parents see the effort it took just to get out the door with book bags and PE kits, while your own body is screaming for a rest.

​My arthritis, especially in my neck, really started to flare during this time. I wasn't changing nappies anymore, but I was constantly bending for stubborn zips and laces.

I had to be a 'Logistics Queen.' If I didn't plan the morning with precision, I’d be spent by 10 AM. I remember 'Floor Time'—wanting to be down there playing, but knowing that once I was down, getting back up was a mountain to climb. I learned to use my 3-Fold Breath on the mobility scooter after drop-off just to survive the morning. I wasn't the 'active' mum, but I was the present one." Saying yes and no, and you'll have to wait until the time is right.

While also ensuring I tried to space things out so I didn't have to go to bed too early and could have grown-up time.

Love 

Breaking the Silence: Depression, Anxiety, and My Absence

 Dearest Diary,

Please forgive my extended absence. Life has been… a lot lately. It feels like the waves have been crashing down relentlessly, and I've been struggling to keep my head above water. The truth is, both my mental and physical health have taken a significant hit these past few weeks (or has it been months? Time feels so distorted). Anxiety has become a constant companion, whispering doubts and fears that drain my energy and cloud my focus. My physical health hasn’t been much kinder, leaving me feeling like I’m running on empty most days.

I recently had my annual physiotherapy review, which is always an important milestone for me. It’s a reminder of the progress I’ve made and the challenges I continue to face. I’ll share more about it soon, but for now, I’m still processing the experience and what it means for my journey.

There have been days when simply getting out of bed felt like an insurmountable task. The thought of writing—of pouring my thoughts and feelings onto paper (or screen)—felt utterly overwhelming. The words just wouldn’t come, and when they did, they were tangled and heavy with negativity.

I know how important it is to prioritise self-care, but even that has felt difficult. Some days, I’ve managed a short walk using my walker, which always helps a little. 

The fresh air and movement remind me that I’m still capable, even when I feel fragile. Other days, I’ve curled up with a comforting book or watched a feel-good movie, seeking solace in stories that transport me away from my struggles.

Sleep has been both a refuge and a challenge. It’s one of my favourite things to do when I’m feeling low, but it’s also a reminder of how much my body needs rest to recover. Balancing this with the demands of running a family has been a delicate dance—one that often leaves me feeling like I’m falling short, even when I know I’m doing my best. But here’s the thing: resilience isn’t about never falling. It’s about finding the strength to get back up, even when the weight of the world feels unbearable. It’s about taking small steps forward, even when the path ahead is unclear. I’m hoping that by starting again, even if it’s just a few lines at a time, I can begin to find my way back to myself. Writing has always been a source of healing for me—a way to untangle the knots in my mind and rediscover the light within.

Reflections:

This journey has reminded me that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There are storms, and it’s okay to take shelter and wait for them to pass. It’s OK to feel vulnerable, to rest, and to ask for help when you need it. Self-care isn’t always glamorous. Sometimes, it’s as simple as taking a deep breath, sipping a warm cup of tea, or allowing yourself to pause and just be. It’s about listening to your body and honouring what it needs, even when the world demands more.

Balancing family life with chronic health challenges is never easy, but it’s also a testament to the strength and love that binds us together. My family has been my anchor, reminding me that I’m not alone in this journey. To anyone reading this who feels like they’re struggling: know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to take things one step at a time, to celebrate the small wins, and to give yourself grace on the harder days. Thank you for listening, even when I’ve been silent. Your support means more than words can express, and I’m grateful to have this space to share my journey.

"This is just the beginning of some new changes here. I’m keeping things simple for now, but I look forward to growing and sharing more with you all in the New Year. Stay tuned!"

With love,

The beginning of the family

Dear Diary,

Today marked the beautiful beginning of our family of four! As I sat there, my heart overflowed with love and excitement. Becoming a new mum was an incredible journey, and with cerebral palsy, it added a unique layer of challenges and triumphs.

Embracing My Role as a New Mum

I had always dreamt of having a family, and welcoming our twins into the world felt magical. My training as a nursery assistant armed me with a treasure trove of childcare knowledge, which was invaluable in those early days of motherhood. Yet, cerebral palsy meant I needed a little extra help with certain tasks, like carrying the twins and managing some household chores.

Building Our Support Network

The beginning of our family of four could have been overwhelming without our incredible support network. I was so grateful for the national charity, Home-Start. They had been a pillar of strength, providing guidance and practical help. With their support, I could focus on nurturing our little ones. Plus, the help from local college trainees had been a game-changer. Their energy and enthusiasm were both reassuring and inspiring.

Juggling Life with Twins

Life with twins was a delightful mix of chaos and joy. Each day brought new adventures and lessons about them—and myself. Our daily routine looked something like this:

• Morning: We started with feeding, diaper changes, and cherished morning cuddles.

• Afternoon: Playtime was a highlight, filled with giggles and exploration.

• Evening: With our support team, we managed dinner prep and bedtime routines smoothly.

Looking to the Future

As I embraced this new chapter, I was filled with hope and determination. The journey wasn't always easy, but the love and support around us made every challenge worthwhile.

Questions to Ponder:

• How can communities better support families with unique needs?

• What role does empathy play in building inclusive support networks?

• How can individuals with disabilities advocate for themselves in parenting roles?

Reflecting on these questions, I was grateful for the foundation we built and excited for the adventures ahead. Our family was just beginning, and I couldn't wait to see where this journey took us.

Love

Sweetestmoondust