A Journey Through Time: Finding Strength in Love and Adversity

As I sit down to write this diary blog post, I find myself reflecting on a journey that began in the most unexpected of places—a local leisure center. It was there, as a late teen, that I met the person who has been my rock for more than two decades, my beloved spouse. At the time, I was still trying to find my way in life, grappling with the challenges that come with youth and uncertainty, not to mention battling undiagnosed clinical depression. 

A Supportive Partner 

During those formative years, I was not only searching for my path but also wrestling with the profound question of why I had been given the condition of Cerebral Palsy. While I understood the medical explanations, I couldn't help but ponder the spiritual significance behind it. Despite these internal battles, my partner remained steadfast, offering unwavering support and love that helped me through the darkest times. 

Building a Life Together 

In those early years, I trained as a business assistant, during which I encountered the harsh realities and prejudices that people with disabilities often face. Despite the negativity, my partner and I pressed on, eventually buying a house after four years together. Ten months later, we were married, embarking on a honeymoon that symbolized the beginning of a shared journey filled with hope and love. 

Challenges and Growth 

Our home became a place of laughter, learning, and growth over the next 23 years. Though we faced the disappointment of being unable to have children early on, we found joy in each other and in the experiences we shared. I worked as a customer service assistant for three years, a role that brought both satisfaction and challenges. Yet, like many couples, we navigated the early stages of our life together with resilience and optimism.

The Battle with Mental Health 

Life, however, is rarely without its trials. After my stint at the local store, I decided to pursue a career as a business assistant, only to find myself in a difficult work environment that exacerbated my struggles with mental health. At 30, I was officially diagnosed with clinical depression and general anxiety disorder, marking the beginning of another battle—this time, with my mind. 

Through it all, the unwavering support of my spouse has been my anchor. Together, we have faced life's challenges with courage and love, continuously learning and growing alongside one another. This journey has taught me that while we may not always understand the reasons behind our struggles, we can find strength in the love and support of those we hold dear. 

Each day, I am reminded of the resilience that lies within us all and the profound impact that love and understanding can have on our lives. As we continue forward, I am grateful for the journey we've shared and the future that awaits.

Clinical Depression With Cerebral Palsy

Cerebral palsy is my main disability but as I have mentioned for me clinical depression is one of my secondary health concerns.

More often than that though it is the feelings because of my disability that cause me more problems.

It causes me to feel like I can't be bothered to write or anything. I can't even read or watch TV. Sometimes I eat as much as possible or nothing at all. Which in turn makes me feel guilty for not doing anything. This means that it often is a vicious cycle and why I have not written much.

The move and settling in to my new house has caused some unforeseen problems physically with my body and cerebral palsy which is why I have not written as much as I would have liked or needed to make this site professional or financially respectful. 

However I don't do it for the money, I do it for the chance to teach people about life with cerebral palsy and what comes along with it. So in the next series of posts I will be going through how both bits affect me. I hope you get information about how one or both affect my life. And maybe understand both or just one of the conditions. I hope you learn or understand a bit more about life with cerebral palsy and what comes along for me. 

A new direction again.

I have written many posts about cerebral palsy, and moving homes several times. Particularly the new home and everything else to do with it.

I only lightly touched one. The big thing that has actually been causing problems recently, and probably over the last few years, is the depression side of things.

Yes, I was getting ready for a move. Yes, I was in emergency housing here in the UK. For over a year. It wasn't perfect. Many people have bigger problems than me. And I was grateful for having a place to stay when I knew there were other people who needed and still need them. That chapter has now been and done.

I'm okay on that side of things now, but I'm still having depression episodes. I wanted to talk about that today as it's a way forward to writing things down and clarifying things.

I seem to only show I'm feeling great on a day to day and I wanted to talk about cerebral palsy. More often, the depression side of things has kicked in more than anything else and I think that is going to be the way that I'm going to write forward. Which is why I haven't been writing posts as much as I should.

It might be a way forward because it can be so depressing sometimes. I don’t always know what to say . Some people have begun to understand cerebral palsy now and it does change from day to day, and I will be talking about it.

But as I'm in a safe place, a place I can be safe even if I fall. I feel more comfortable meaning I will be more involved in the depressive side of things, because it's not so great. I don't know what everyone thinks about that for a new direction.

I had hoped to be more positive. But with things being the way things are.

I'm wondering if it is an option to go through and wondering what everyone else thinks. Then again I'm not sure that the emotional and mental side of things are really mentioned either.

Despite the initial discussion on mental health for everyone.

People with disabilities are often lumbered with mental health issues as well as the physical. And that's not often talked about. I hope to just shed a little bit of light on these issues.

CP and depression in your 30s

So the 30s have hit and you’re feeling low again:

So looking at what you have and the thought of why you. And the feeling of being a burden is another problem because you are not able to do things that the people who you live with can. 

Remember that these are also issues that occurred when you were a child, teen and in your 20s 

Ok, the feeling is there again!

This is when you are going through another bout of depression because of the feelings. But you are not alone. There are lots of people who are in the same box.

What to do?

Ok so the feelings are there and you've been given all the cues to get the help in your 20s. Now is the time to use them again. 

If on the other hand, you're reading this post then it's ok. I've been through the same things and didn't know anything until I was in my 30s 

What I did!

It was at this age I finally started getting the help I needed.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression at this point. So I was put on medication. I also went through a course of counselling. For a long time, I managed to be content enough and came off the medication. 

When my family grew and my children were eventually off to school I noticed that my body has started to get a bit more worn. Slowly I also noticed that I was getting more and more tired. However, I ignored all the warning signs and carried on and let life take over.

In that sense, I should not have left myself got at this point but I did. For some of the stuff I was dealing with I got healing thanks to the counselling but there were things I was dealing with and didn’t know.

If you have those sorts of feelings realise that everyone has these and it doesn’t matter if you have a disability or not.

Last words

My thoughts are if you have not got the help you need then push for it but if you have it then use it. There are so many apps as well that can help you. But not everyone is the same so it is best to search on your phone and try as many as possible till you find the ones that work for you.

Young adults with cerebral Palsy and depression

So they're 20+ with cp:

Ok so now any help that social services and the medical professionals seemingly wash their hands of the new adult who is beginning their adulthood. I say that in the sense that the professionals don't really know what cerebral palsy does to an adult.

So what do you do now?

If you have gone through difficult times as a child with cerebral palsy and they are feeling low because of what the condition is throwing up even daily. This could be tiredness, muscle tone and pain, or anything else that cp has given you. Then go back to the people who were there for you as a teen helped you with the mental health issues that come across from time to time. These may be:

• Councillor

• Friends

• Family

• Work colleagues.

• GP

• Social services 

One of the main feelings:

At this point the question of why me? probably is the biggest question you may ask yourself even though you may know the reason. Emotional frustration because of what your body throws at you emotionally is the main cause of depression. So keep this in check and anything else that causes stress and anxiety.

Will you have a partner?

This is another question that may trigger depression and anxiety. The thing is this is a question that even able-bodied people have to. So it's a normal question for everyone.

The frustration of the cp:

This is a common cause of depression so going to your GP for help is the 1st big step as much as it's the sensation of depression and anxiety because of what cp has given you. But also remember no one is the same. If we were, it would be boring.

The future?

That totally depends on you and how you deal with things.

Teens, cp and depression

School and teenage life with cerebral palsy:

Like every child and adult, they may go through bullying. Which is horrendous in any case having a disability on top of that can make things even worse. It doesn't matter what type of school the child is at either. 

Listening to the Teen:

This is the most important thing that should come from the parents, friends, family, and professionals that are involved with the child. because it is their lives that you're looking out for as an adult in their lives.

At school:

When the child is at school and if they are being bullied. then the first port of call is to get it dealt with within the school itself. But again if it is not resolved you will need to go higher in the system.

At home:

If at home the child is unhappy and depressed. 

1. Talk to the teen

2. Listen to the teen

3. Don't ignore them or brush off what they are saying or going through.

4. Point them in the direction for help

5. Emotionally support them

And just generally support them.

Some of the places to guide them include

• Childline

• Social services

• GP

• Consultant

• Friend

• Adult

• Teacher

• Councillor

• Facebook groups

• Local groups if there any nearby

Dealing with the cp specifically:

When the teen asks about their condition and why they are different because of whatever evidence the cp has thrown up. Remember the following

• Treat them as you would any other teen

• Explain as simply as possible that it's not their fault.

• Give them time to process the information

• Support them in whatever way they need

• Get them to ask the consultant relative questions

Then you can help them move forward and by getting support from other places such as the list below:

• local groups

• Scope

• Facebook groups

• Councillor

• Friends

These things might be common sense but sometimes these need to be reminded because they are all intensive purposes the same as any other teen but have added issues that may not be disclosed at the moment through the cp but may show up later in life.

What if the teen is nonverbal:

Ok, the teen is nonverbal due to the cp mainly in their facial muscles. Then get them to talk via their equipment. It shouldn't matter how long it takes for them to get their own message, dreams, whatever across and using their equipment gets them to open up. 

Listen to what they have to say. 

Because I can tell you from personal experience that they want to be heard and treated equally in their own lives. Cerebral Palsy does not mean that we are not capable of doing things. It means it has to be done our way. It doesn't mean that they can't use their brains. It means they are wired differently. Just the same as anyone who has any other disability.

What does this mean?

It means that they are valued. Their opinions are presented equally. They are heard as a person not just as a disability. This way they are the person who has cerebral palsy, not the person who has Cerebral Palsy.

Dealing with depression and childhood with cerebral palsy

So your child has cp and is mentally struggling:

With this in mind, you're gonna have to think about how things are with your child and cerebral palsy. Want to ensure that the child themselves is happy and well adjusted to the environment and people around them. If this is not done then the child could develop depression at a very early age due to the lack of knowledge for themselves about their own condition and why people are treating them differently.

Equality in the home:

Whilst doing everything possible for the educational and physical side of the person with the condition cerebral palsy, people often forget the mental-emotional side of the condition. Because of this, it can be seen as just a physical condition that doesn't initially change yet when older secondary problems occur. It should be acknowledged that equality in the home must be done both ways, not just treating the child as a normal child without any condition. But remembering that they also do have a condition and the emotional side of things can take their toll. Meaning praising a child enough to gain confidence and independence as much as possible. While also realising that they do need help in all parts of life even at this early age.

Explaining cerebral palsy to the child:

So is the child able to do things and seem happy about what they're doing? Or do you see the child struggling and having frustration and unable to say exactly what they want or do?  If this is the case, this is when cerebral palsy can start the emotional roller coaster. 

Several things can be done to help the situation along in the early stages. Explaining to the child that they are different to a certain extent but they are capable of doing things although differently from everyone else. So this might be walking, talking or just moving around in one place. As I have written before, there are many different types of cerebral palsy.

And depression can be of different strengths as well.

It is at this point that it is the easiest to connect to the port of call to help guide the child through the difficult times ahead.  It was thought not so long ago that dealing with social services and medical professionals is a no-no. However, now it is known that actually, it is best to start early to stop any mental illness from becoming very severe. Therefore, having cerebral palsy and mood swings with frustration because of the condition can help both sides of the equation. Because both sides are learning at the same point, although some should be known more now than it was in the past.  However, there are still people in the medical profession who don't know or understand the condition. Therefore they would not know how to deal with the emotional distress and frustration from the patient's point of view.  It is at this point that you really start to push for all access areas in the person's life because more knowledge is known of cerebral palsy in childhood. Yet the medical profession does not know the emotional side of things. 

This is why I mention both sides are learning. Talking to other members of the family and friends and explaining what is needed from them emotionally because they may see the condition and not the person. Some see it the other way around too.

The medical professionals:

Some of the medical professionals who can help you are listed below here in the UK:

• General practitioner

• Social worker

• Consultant

Some charities can help. those are listed below:

• Mind

• Childline

• Carers support groups

• Scope

• Facebook groups

Seeing the struggle and feeling frustrated.

This is where you will feel like it could be a double-edged sword. Yes, you are a parent or guardian of a child who is different enough for you to struggle mentally yourself. So use those places to help you deal with things as they come along as well. Except for childline. Remembering that the child is not to blame for how they were born differently is an important thing to keep in mind as they will feed emotionally off those feelings and that can also trigger depression.

Giving independence

If the child can do things then let them. It will give them a sense of independence, self-worth and much more. Also, remember though that things will take longer for them to do. So if you are going out in a bit of a rush then try to remember that they will take longer to do the thing you asked. It might be easier at those times to do the things that need to be done quickly. Also, remember that in the long run that the child's body will eventually wear out quicker than the average person.

Final thoughts:

Remember that a child is a person who is human and has their own thoughts and dreams so listen to the child and aim for it within their own limitations. So be mindful of how things are said and done.  I know it's not easy but do try.

Depression and cerebral palsy

Is Depression and Cerebral Palsy Connected?

That is a question that a lot of people have. It is also a valid one because of the limitations that cerebral palsy causes within the body and the frustration that comes along with it. It doesn't matter what age of the person with the condition there is always going to be times in their own lives when frustration kicks in.

Depression and children with cerebral palsy:

As a child with cerebral palsy, it is going to be harder for them to communicate what is wrong. It may be because they are different from their classmates. That, either they distance themselves to let the others shine. Or they can be bullied. Which is equally wrong. It's also when the parents or family members either expect the child to do the same as other members without taking into account the issues that the child may have. Or won't let them do what they are capable of by smothering. Therefore they are unable

CP Teens and Depression:

This is when things start to spin if things are not gone unnoticed. Because hormones come into play on top of the normal things going on. Such as school, family stresses and strains, their points of reality when they fully understand what cerebral palsy means for them and their future. So it's worth keeping an eye on what they are feeling and listening to them.

CP  20s with depression:

This is really when things are difficult as when they are working if it is possible because quite often the place of work does not understand the persons' limitations. So if you are working then keep an eye on your mental health. Or if you know of someone who has cp ensure that they are mentally ok.

Cp 30s with depression:

Another decade has moved on and your body has started changing yet again meaning that the frustration again kicks off because you may notice the changes in the way things are done. So this is when the body starts to wear out but not completely noticeable both for the person and friends and families.

CP 40s+ with depression:

It is at this point in life that the changes were beginning a decade. They are becoming more and more noticeable. Which will make the frustration more evident. Therefore it is when depression can be strong in the person's life. So make sure you keep it in check.

Final thoughts:

In conclusion, there is every chance that there will be a depressive episode. At some point in the person's life. However, this is dependent on the person's personal attitude towards life as a whole. And is not always going to be there.

Are You Really Desiring to Scream out Loud? When life throws another curveball!

 This year has certainly thrown a curveball to everyone with the virus being part of it. which I have mentioned in various posts such as How are you doing in these strange times

You know what though there are things that want to throw you some kind of lesson. So learning from these situations is often difficult but that's ok. I've talked about these in posts such as Urgh The feeling but you know what even I'm learning to be patient. Being patient is a very difficult thing if you are used to almost instant gratification yet it is worth learning as a skill.

The future had also been put on hold because of what the government had decided to do while beginning to open up the country again. And this also means that our own future has been put on hold and it is kind of scary not knowing what is going to happen next but it is not totally in my hands at the moment. At this point, we have to wait and see if there is a chance we can have what we want or do we have to change tact for the future. These are the curved balls that are definitely sent to try us but during a difficult time. on top of the general day to day challenges that my cerebral palsy. however, I am writing a daily blog of my moods and that is

which I will be writing using my phone when I feel like it as it seems to encourage me to write on here too which is a positive step on the whole.

This is a short post as I have not been very well mentally and there have been a few days where i8 have just wanted to curl up like a ball which is why I have started a new one