A longer wait than I thought!

Why am I writing now?

The reason I am writing now is because there is a longer waiting period than I had thought or had hoped for. I wanted to explain why I haven't written for such a long time.

What has been happening?

I had thought we would have moved by now but that isn't the case. The local council has very limited housing and because the needs I have the number of homes are reduced even further. This has made things very stressful. I know that it's the right decision even though the timing is off in my opinion.

What's the plan?

For the next 6 - 8 weeks it is a waiting game. The reason is because of where we are now. Most of our stuff is packed up in boxes ready to go. We were to be leaving in late November. However, that did not happen. Then we had thought that maybe mid December like the previous one a couple of years ago but that's not happening either! Now we are not sure when exactly or where. Yet it will be within the next 6-8 weeks. This means that we are where we are for the holiday season. 

Feelings about it!

There's so many different types of feelings going on within me and the family as a whole. The feelings include the following.

• Anger
• Frustration 
• Worry
• Annoyance
• Acception 
• Excitement
• Happiness

All of these feelings are felt all at once and individually. Throughout the day and sometimes at night. Meaning that I find it difficult to get to sleep.  

All of these feelings are normal, I know. Yet they can really disrupt me.

Why?

This is because they turn my attention to them rather than what I want to do, which is either writing, recording my radio show or spending time with the rest of the family.

The meantime!

During this time I won't be writing much if at all during this time as boxes are everywhere and making me unstable. So I am just sitting, watching TV, reading, listening to podcasts, audiobooks as well as slowly getting ready for the move. And doing lots of self development stuff as the cerebral palsy has many secondary problems. Some of them are mental health issues and others are physical problems that have occurred over time. These include for me the following:

1. General anxiety disorder.
2. Clinical depression.
3. Panic attacks.
4. Bone damage.
5. Arthritis.
6. Post impairment syndrome.
7. Bone disfigurement.

Some of these have been life long and some of them have been arriving the older I get. These include:

• Bone disfigurement
• Arthritis 
• Post impairment syndrome.

What does this mean?

For me this has meant that with the stress of everything regarding the move has meant that my moods and physical ability has been restricted as I have either been trying to help pack up again or felt so awful that I have not been able to do anything.

What's next?

So while I am staying relatively quiet except on Instagram @sweetestmoonuk where you can find me daily.

December and what it has in store for me?

It's the final month of the year. Quiet often it's a crazy one, getting ready for Christmas.

This is the final month of a bit of space before the year of transition yet again. This year has been amazing in so many different ways.

There has been some problems with the world. What with the pandemic and the way it's still effecting the world in so many ways. 

A lot of things however going, back to normal, as I have mentioned in many of my other posts such as When change is coming and Moving on. 

Yet recently my brain has decided to almost shut down. I think that's because there's been so much going on that I haven't been able to really deal with things on a daily basis. And so my brain was in so much a disarray.

I have had to plan so much ahead for the future, because things are still up in the air despite being safe for now. I wish to be able just live from day to day rather than have to plan so much ahead. And that is something that I needed because there's only something's that I can plan, but not everything.

What do I think December has for me.

I am hoping that this month can be be a semi restful month with good memories for me and my family. As well as Christmas presents and time with outside members of the family that I don't often see throughout the year.

What do I want from December.

I really want this month just to be a peace and quiet so that I can just live from day to day because of my disability. And get ready for the next year and the future ahead.

What I don't want from December!

What I don't want is a month of stress and anxiety before the new year ahead. So I can manage everything going on in the new 

 

Ok so what now! Questions to ponder as a future is uncertain

 I have been quiet for a long time, and things have been a bit of a stretch. I have been thinking during this period that I should be reversing a few of the ideas that I had for this outlet. I am here to give an idea of what life is like with the condition.

Everyone assumes that everyone wants to have their place that is their castle. Yes, that is the case to a certain extent but when living with a condition such as cerebral palsy life gives you curve balls constantly.

Certain things can be a trigger an overload of anxiety and panic. that cause a circle of stress and anxiety.

These include house maintenance in any form, bills that are not anticipated and accidents. For me, it was the uncertainty of what the future holds for me as a person who has cerebral palsy.

Doing any amount of exercise or general existence can cause wear and tear on the body meaning that there is no certainty of what is going to happen in the future. As I have mentioned, in other posts the condition wears the body, 3 to 5 times faster than the average person.

So having to deal with the stress of the condition on top of trying to comply with what everyone else wants. It is a tough option that is not always what a person can cope with. So it may come across as a selfish way but it is part of the way a person has to deal with self-care.

WHAT IS THE FUTURE GOING TO BE? Positive or negative!

 

PAST AND FUTURE!

The country is coming out of a difficult situation that many countries are still at the centre of an epidemic that the world has not seen for a hundred years.

When the Spanish Flu killed 50million people worldwide. No one expected this to happen especially in this day in age as we have so much technology and other changes such as the changes in science. So that inoculation of the virus Covid19 has been introduced quicker than in the past when illnesses have caused catastrophic deaths in the last 200 years. These illnesses include Tuberculosis or TB for short, polio, scarlet fever, measles, as well as the Spanish flu from 1918 to 1920

HISTORICAL THOUGHTS!

This means that the human population of the planet has been able to pull its resources and find various ways to combat the virus and stem the number of deaths worldwide, for each of these illnesses. Meaning that with all the differences in the world we can work together for a common link.

MY OPINION REGARDING THIS!

Some people believe that it isn’t real or is caused by some kind of intervention whether it be politically motivated, technology-based or even alien life form-based.

Then again I am certain there are people from 100 years ago when the Spanish flu was rife people thought similar things for their lifetime. I know that in my family that far back it wasn’t mentioned.

In my opinion, this means that it was so severe that it was best not to talk about it. Put up a stiff upper lip as the saying goes. Or there weren’t as many cases family-wise therefore meaning again it wasn’t crucial despite its devastation worldwide.

There were always people who didn’t believe what was happening at the time. Meaning that the people who have different opinions even now won’t have their opinion changed unless they catch the virus or know someone else who had it.

SO WHAT’S NEXT?

I am writing this on a Wednesday afternoon full of nerves both negative and positive because tomorrow afternoon I am having in the jab to inoculate me from Covid19. I realise that because the virus is different for everyone and the injection affects everyone differently.

There are many different ways that it could go. I am being positive because it's no different than what happens with the winter flu jab as that is no actual flu cure but there is a way to curb its effects and reduce the number of deaths.

Here in the UK, everyone over the age of 70 or has some kind of underlying problem such as cerebral palsy, asthma just to name a couple. Have the winter flu jab.

The point is to look out for those of us who are not as immune or has other problems causing physical problems with breathing. So to have the jab is a way of saving lives. Not just yourself but other members of your family and friends.

WHAT IS THE POINT?

In doing this you are not only possibly saving yourself and your friends and family members. But everyone else locally who lives near you. It will also mean that health providers like the NHS here in the UK will not be in so much demand.

MY POINT IS THIS!

There will be those who as I said in a previous paragraph who are against the virus and think of it as a political agenda or something else are being quite selfish. I get it it's their opinion but are they doctors and scientists who have worked in the wards of the sick and dying of this virus I think not!

This is a sticking point because of the nature of the way the world is also being portrayed. Some of this is the government of the country that you are living in but also the press and the way they interpret what is being said by the professionals who know what they are talking about.

REASONING!

I am just a disabled person with my own opinion who tries to be objective on certain issues such as this because I know that I would rather be part of the solution than be part of the problem.

To end this post I just want to show the two sides of the story and perhaps you will make a decision that is good for everyone, not just yourself. Because although you are one person your own life affects many others not just your own. If you can’t think of it this way think of it as a pebble hitting the water with the ripples circulating out.

Just make up your own mind with facts and think about what you are doing and how it affects everyone, not just you!

The crazy future! Coming in the near future

 This is what's going on at the moment. The COVID19 situation has changed here in the UK, and lots and lots of people have had their injections, whether they're, it's their first or their second one. I've had my second job yesterday because cerebral palsy is one of the neurological problems that COVID19 can affect, you, whether it be long term or short term.

We've had to be inside for so long, and this week. I'm recording this, They are opening up all the shops that were not opened for over a year now, and it's going to be a strange, strange sensation. When I go back out tomorrow. Because of an appointment, I will go straight down to town and straight back.

But going will be one of those things where I think, okay, great idea. but, you know, I'm thinking for everybody, particularly people with neurological, breathing problems, asthma or whatever. Masks are to be worn outside, and it shouldn't matter.

I understand the freedom of seeing people and everything else. But if you've got a cold or something, then it'd be best to cover your face, because you don't want to be giving it to other people who you who don't know, might have a weak immune system so that would be an issue. When things are happening like that, it's, it's more dangerous for us. Think about when you have worries like this, we've been stuck indoors for a long time, whether it's because of our disability, and the fact that things are now changing back to the normality of sorts.

The cerebral palsy side of things is going to get a lot harder. I did a dance class this morning. A 30-minute off my phone, and yes I should have done it during the time of moving, but I didn't feel like doing it because there was so much going on, mentally, physically that really, I couldn't consider doing that. It's too much trouble to think about doing things like that because of factors. You've got ways of having to cope. here are people who are constantly being stuck indoors, no matter what.

They may have a different condition so they don't want to be outside at all, and they're used to being indoors and hearing all this news, what happened over the last 18 months is going to be causing more anger, and worry about things because they're not sure what they're going to do. you know, then they're knowing they're going to have to go out and it's more anxious, timing again for us.

I've been lucky enough to go out a few times, you know, not other six months in our when it first lockdown, I stayed in. We were waiting to move which I've mentioned in another post,

which I will link up in my video as well. I've also done it so that, you know, it's been worrying. and now wasn't enough room, and this morning because I've managed to do a little bit of exercise. I felt better. Even though I've just had the job that I had yesterday, but it's not going to be sensible to go out with her party all the time. And make sure that you know you've got things going, and it's not fair for the way things are. It's not going to be easy in the future.

I don't see us with a disability to be reminded of too much because people are going to be doing what they did 100 years ago with the partying that happened in the 20s, the roaring 20s when they, when they had a lot of partying and stuff after the Spanish flu 100 years ago.

We've got things now which can help a lot quicker, ie the injections, and things like that. We've got to remember that it's not going to be easy for anyone, particularly those who have been stuck indoors because they've got a disability, and their male Mental Welfare is not going to be a brilliant moment. And that goes for everyone, too.

It's going to be, it's harder, I believe, for people who have not been out loud out, you know, it's not easy for some who have had to go out because they've had to be key workers, you know, there's been some Cp, people who I know who have had to go out to their store to local Tesco and be a front shot worker which is brilliant, and it's their freedom, but they were at a higher risk of getting the virus, same with any mental or breathing situation. That is not going to be fair, for people who wanted to be out and those people who are being who had been selfish not realising it will suddenly get to the point where actually.

Oh, right. Well, yeah, maybe I shouldn't have gone out so much. Okay, I've made that mistake, and won't be doing that again. Then they would be doing things like being more sensible but aren't you know, with more variants are coming out now of the virus and so that there are more chances of actually catching the catching COVID Again, but it should be proven, that being sensible falling, a rough idea of doing what you need, seeing, seeing the occasional framed, you know, for the mental issues that can happen would be great. I mean I know a lot of people doing the over zoom.

I didn't feel like that was an option to me because I'm much more of a tactile person. And it's important for me to realise that maybe I should have done more of that and which is why I am now doing these videos to put myself out of the situation and be more active, both verbally, out and about, internationally, online, rather than just in the house, or just locally. So, when things are more easy access, I suppose, when things are a bit more lifted. It will be a lot easier,

Right now we're only on stage three and open today, and that's Monday, the 17th of May. And there is a possibility of it being stalled. From this point, but that's understandable because of what's going on around the world. And so we have to think for ourselves and each other. Again, this is where equality comes in, and I want the talk of doing the sweetest men does style website is what I wanted to do, is by actually showing more equality. And so, if we treating everyone is equal, and realising that everyone is valuable and needed, it's more important for everyone to think, okay, right, it's my turn to stay in. If they need to go out, then that's fine.

Don't just think for yourself,

because there are so many more people out there who could be more vulnerable than you are.