Getting used to Living in a New Home

 

I want to talk about settling in the home as a disabled person. I say that because after the many moves over 14 months, this blog was on a semi-break/ hiatus because of not knowing how long I was to be in one place. I mentioned it in other posts such as What has been happening   But when I moved into my final home. I wrote a quick post a few months ago. about what I struggled with and mentioned the list below

This is a list of things that I wish I had known before moving into my final home. 

• Involve the person with cerebral palsy in the planning process as much as possible. This will help them feel more in control and invested in the new home.

• List any accessibility needs, to be addressed in the new home. This could include wider doorways, bathroom grab bars, or a lower kitchen counter.

• Start unpacking and setting up the new home one room at a time. This will help to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

• Familiarise the person with cerebral palsy with the layout of the new home. This will help them feel more comfortable and independent.

• Be patient and allow plenty of time for the person with cerebral palsy to adjust to the new home.

For me, because of the previous moves, I was in limbo which meant that I could adapt relatively quickly for the emergency homes. but this is the home I plan to live in permanently. My body could not adjust quickly to the realisation that it could relax. And not worry about falling and knowing was safe. 

it has taken months to get used to the idea that I could put my hands on the wall to steady myself or use any of my equipment such as the home-help trolly to help me walk around and learn the differences in the surfaces of each room. I mentioned this in an earlier post A few months. It still stands as valid now as it did then because my body still hasn’t completely relaxed into the realisation it's safe. I think that is because I am waiting for the final things to happen to make it finally ready for the future. That's okay though as I know that these are going to happen but I don’t know when. I'm just going to have to compromise until then. 

I hope you took note of the list in either post as I found that it was indispensable for the transition so far. I just wish my body would catch up with the reality that I have been living in a safe place for it for some time now and it won't relax properly consistently. 

Is Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell worth your time?

Since moving into a new home, I needed to start getting involved in the community so I joined the local library book club. 

Although there was one book that was to be read I was to start with the book that the group had read before and that was Small Pleasures by Clare Chambers. 

However, I am considering starting to write my blog again more consistently while reading that book. I decided to start with the book that they had read before that. That was Hamnet by Maggie O'Farrell. So I will begin.

 What is the synopsis?

The book is set in Elizabethan times when Queen Elizabeth the 1st on the throne. It is about a woman and her family. It begins with the loss of a child called Hamnet and then goes back to when the woman Agnes falls pregnant before marriage. Then loops back to the present time for her and how she deals with the loss and the family's own reaction.

The themes:

There are a group themes for this novel and they are:

• Death

• Love

• History

• Family dynamics

Death:

This is an obvious one with the death of Hamnet. So it is easy to see. Although a short one.

Love:

This one is not such an obvious one although it is combined with death because of Hamnet's death but also the early love between Agnes and her lover who becomes her husband while pregnant. And when they drift apart.

History:

This one is again so obvious as Maggie O'Farrell has used language and description as well as setting. She used a specific dateline of 1596 as this is when the child Hamnet died as a main link for the entire book.

Family dynamics:

This theme is a little more subtle than the others but it is the biggest one. The reason for this is many people are secondary characters. These included Agnes’s husband, siblings, children, parents and in-laws. 

My Thoughts:

For me, this was a tough book to start especially with the split in the beginning. But I pushed through and enjoyed it. Because I heard about it before reading it. I was intrigued by how Maggie O'Farrell wrote it. She used the historical truth as a basis. It is based on the time of William Shakespeare's life and the actual death of his son who is called Hamnet. Maggie also told the truth from Agnes, his first wife's point of view. Although much of the story is fiction, those bits are based on truth. So is it worth it?  Well, that is up to you! I did enjoy many of the subplots as well as the main one.

AFew Months!

It's been a few months since I moved into my final home. I had given myself a bit of time to recover from the amount of stress, uncertainty and energy that I have used over the last 14 months with all the moves.

Having multiple conditions and moving is probably more stressful than just moving. Which is stressful in itself.

There are many things which I never thought about growing up with the main condition cerebral palsy which I spotted in my 1st move. But never thought of it until moving into the final home.

Here are some tips to make the transition smoother:

Involve the person with cerebral palsy in the planning process as much as possible. This will help them feel more in control and invested in the new home.

List any accessibility needs to be addressed in the new home.

This could include wider doorways, bathroom grab bars, or a lower kitchen counter.

Start unpacking and setting up the new home one room at a time.

This will help to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

Familiarise the person with cerebral palsy with the layout of the new home.

This will help them feel more comfortable and independent.

Be patient and allow plenty of time for the person with cerebral palsy to adjust to the new home.

Some tips can be done during settling into a new home. The biggest one I discovered in the last home as I got used to the layout of the place.

As an ambulatory wheelchair user, there was one major thing I was suffering in the first month and that is to use my home helper trolley that I have for transferring from one room to another. So that I could adjust to the different surfaces of certain rooms and areas.

My kitchen, hall and bathrooms are laid with lino

and the living room and bedrooms are carpeted.

I'm still struggling a little bit three months on but I'm getting better. I know that it's ok and I know that I will get used to the house and area. I still walk gingerly around some places as I don't go out as much as I did before.

A new place

A lot has happened since. But here I am.

A different place. Older and wiser than before. New things are coming slow and steady. Other things keep dropping off. I have learnt a lot over the last few years. Knowing that life has always a way of doing things to change your plans no matter what you want. It's ok though. Learning is what life is all about. In some ways life has been harder but in others it hasn't.

You think life is going one way then it shows you a different route. Sometimes they lead to a completely different place and sometimes it might just be a loop or bump in the road that either speeds things up or slows it down.

What's next ? Who knows. All that can be done by me is being done and the rest is out of my jurisdiction. The wait can be a problem but the best thing is to channel energy into other things. I'm trying my best to do that very thing. Yet there are so many distractions. Some are welcome, others are not.

What is left to do? A bit of clearing out. Not much though! Everything I had asked for is coming even though there have been difficulties. Some have been huge and others small. They all have challenged me most definitely. 

One of the things I have struggled with is patience. There's a saying ”patience is a virtue” and I know that it's one I wish I had. Especially when it's to do with things that are out of my control. Have you ever had those types of feelings? I know I have!

How do I deal with those feelings? That depends on what I'm wanting to be done by others. I know people probably think I should be doing everything. I can't however. It doesn't mean I don't want to. Just physically I can't.

You see, I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user. I used to do almost everything possible as a child and young adult. The older I have gotten, the less I have been able to do. There are many people who are like this. Not just me. 

Frustration is forever changing because things I could do a year ago. Now I either struggle with it or can't do it anymore. And things change. And as a person either accept the change or become more maudlin and then depressed. It's never easy to accept things about yourself as a teen or young adult. And if something happens while getting older. 

There is always the question “why me?” The question should actually be “why not me?” Or “what can I learn from the situation I'm in?” those questions are a better way. 

Because there's always something you can learn. Sometimes you may not be the one who needs to learn something but you are the one who is there to teach someone else something.  

Someone said that if you don't learn something the first time around then you are given multiple challenges until you learn what is required. 

The two things that I have learnt in my life so far is acceptance and understanding.  There are a few more things that I need to learn successfully. Such as listening, patience and the ability to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. Those things are not easy to do. I'm trying though. 

What do I want for the rest of my life? I went through a phase of doing things that are not really me. They gave me a new set of skills which is great. I know that those skills are going to be useful, however I'm not ready to use them properly yet. I know I will just not now. But I am excited to be doing what I'm doing. Especially as this is something I love doing but have not felt quite good enough to do it again because of my disability and other life situations that I had no control over. 

What is it that I can do for now?  Obviously I need to do physio and gentle exercises but what can I do?

Well there's been a few things that have changed since the beginning of this. There has been a massive change in the sense of two different moves. One was a temporary move because where I had been was not really good for me. The other. 

The other was the final. I'm finally settling into the new house but there's a few things that need to be done. And once they're done I'll feel more confident in the house. The other big change is the area of where I'm living.

It's a quaint village that has old buildings but the pavement is not really good enough for someone who is an ambulatory wheelchair user, or someone who is wheelchair bound. I need to go around on my scooter and get to know the area. However at the moment I'm stuck using a scooter which is totally not my type. Even if the colour is my favourite. Which means I'm stuck indoors until mine is repaired.

Luckily there's still some things that need to be done. Before having people around.