Diary Entry: My Life After GCSEs Before the Big Step

Dear Diary, 

Today, I want to reflect on my journey since completing my GCSEs and how it has shaped me into who I am now. Transitioning to college marked the beginning of an exciting yet daunting chapter in my life, especially as I navigated this with cerebral palsy. 

Thriving in the First Year 

Looking back on my first year at college, I can’t help but feel a sense of pride. It was a period of growth and new experiences, and I truly thrived both academically and socially. The independence I gained was empowering; I learned to embrace the responsibility that came with higher education. I discovered that my cerebral palsy didn’t define me or limit my potential. It was a refreshing realization that fueled my motivation to push through challenges. Although I did still suffer from bouts

A Challenging Second Year 

However, the second year was a different story. It presented unforeseen challenges that I hadn’t anticipated. I found myself grappling with my second bout of clinical depression, which made everything feel heavier. The uncertainties I faced regarding my future career 

path compounded my struggles. I often felt lost, unsure of where to go next, which added to my anxiety. 

Navigating Uncertainty 

During this time, my thoughts often drifted to my dreams of becoming a mother and getting married. These aspirations felt distant, especially knowing I would encounter additional hurdles along the way. The path to employment seemed daunting, and the barriers loomed large. Despite the uncertainties, I held onto those dreams tightly, determined to make them a reality, even if I didn’t know how. 

Looking Forward

Through this journey, I’ve learned the importance of resilience and patience. It has taken time for me to become comfortable with where I am, but every step has contributed to my growth. I’ve come to appreciate the strength I’ve gained from facing these challenges head on. 

In my next entry, I hope to share how I realized my dreams of motherhood and marriage and how these milestones have further shaped the person I am today. Until then, I will continue to embrace the journey ahead. 

With hope and determination, 

My journey growing up with Cerebral Palsy: The Early Years

 

Growing up with Cerebral Palsy (CP) presented many challenges, but it also shaped me in ways I could never have imagined. It took me decades to truly understand and accept my condition. Here, I share my journey through the early years, my school experiences, and the lessons I've learned. 

Early Years and Physical Therapy 

From a young age, I was immersed in physical therapy. Weekly sessions were a part of my routine until I turned 11. These early interventions were crucial for my physical development and instilled a sense of perseverance within me. Through the support of skilled therapists, I learned to push my limits and celebrated every small victory. 

School Life: A Mixed Environment 

My educational journey began in a school that embraced both disabled and able-bodied children. This mixed environment taught me the value of diversity and inclusion. It was a place where differences were acknowledged, yet everyone worked together towards a common goal. I was fortunate to be among the first wave of children with disabilities integrated into my local mainstream school around my 10th birthday. This experience was both exciting and daunting, opening up new possibilities and challenges. 

The Boarding School Experience 

Transitioning to boarding school was a significant and difficult chapter in my life. Being away from home was a stark change, and unfortunately, I faced bullying, which made the experience even more challenging. Feelings of homesickness were frequent companions, but they also taught me resilience. Despite these struggles, I learned to advocate for myself, a skill that continues to serve me well. 

Finding My Footing

The year before what we call GCSEs in the UK, I changed schools once more. This new environment proved to be a turning point. The supportive atmosphere and understanding peers made a world of difference, allowing me to cope better and focus on my studies. It was here that I began to find my footing and gain confidence in my abilities truly. 

Lessons Learned 

Looking back, these experiences have taught me invaluable lessons: 

Resilience and Perseverance: Every challenge I faced built my resilience. I learned that setbacks are not the end but an opportunity to grow stronger. 

Advocacy: Speaking up for myself became a crucial skill, empowering me to seek the support and accommodations I needed. 

Inclusion and Empathy: Being in diverse environments fostered a deep sense of empathy and a commitment to advocate for inclusivity. 

While my journey with Cerebral Palsy has been filled with ups and downs, it has shaped me into the person I am today. Each experience, whether difficult or rewarding, has contributed to my growth. I hope that by sharing my story, others may find solace and inspiration in their journeys.

Changing My Writing Style: From Information-Driven to Diary-Like

As a writer, evolving and adapting your style can be an exciting yet challenging journey. For years, I  have adhered to an information-driven writing style, which served its purpose well. It was structured, factual, and direct—ideal for academic papers, technical manuals, and informative articles. Especially those about how cerebral palsy and whatever else has affected me. However, as my interests shift towards more personal and relatable styles, I feel the need for a transformation in my approach. Thus, I am embarking on a journey to transition from an information-focused style to a more personal, diary-like manner of writing. This blog post will explore the motivations behind this change, the challenges I faced, and the insights I am gaining along the way.

 The Motivation for Change

 Connecting on a Personal Level

The primary motivation for changing my writing style was to establish a deeper connection with my audience. I realize that topics such as mental health, personal growth, and everyday experiences resonate more when I share with personal anecdotes and reflections. An informative style, although valuable, often lacked the emotional depth necessary to engage readers on a personal level.

Embracing Vulnerability

Switching to a diary-style format is allowing me to embrace vulnerability. Sharing personal stories, successes, and failures required courage but also fostering more authenticity. I understand that readers appreciate honesty, and writing in a diary-like manner has encouraged me to be more genuine and open.

Fostering Creativity

Creativity thrives when one steps outside their comfort zone. Adopting a diary style is forcing me to explore new narrative techniques, experiment with tone and voice, and craft more vivid imagery. This creative freedom re-energized my passion for writing and introduced a refreshing change from the structured confines of my previous style.

The Transition Process

Will be a quick one as I have been really struggling with writer's block because of the depression and anxiety mixed with cerebral palsy.

Understanding the Audience

Before making the transition, I am taking time to understand my audience better. I am analyzing who they are, what topics they engaged with most, and how they interacted with personal narratives. This insight is guiding my writing, ensuring that my diary-style entries are not just cathartic for me but also meaningful for my readers.

Experimentation

Experimentation is going to be key in this transition. Initially, I will çput diary-like elements into my informational pieces, blending personal experiences with facts. This hybrid approach is allowing me to gauge the audience's reaction and gradually shift towards a more personal style. 

Finding My Voice

Finding my unique voices  one of the most rewarding aspects of this journey. Unlike the impersonal tone of informational writing, diary-style writing demanded a consistent and authentic voice. It involves introspection and self-discovery, as I learn to express my thoughts and emotions candidly.

Challenges Faced

Each day being different, cerebral palsy, depression, endometriosis, pain, weather, events and life in general.

Balancing Personal and Universal

One of the significant challenges is maintaining a balance between sharing personal stories and ensuring they are universally relatable. While personal anecdotes are engaging, they must also resonate with the reader's experiences or evoke empathy. Striking this balance requires careful consideration of which details to include and which to omit.

Overcoming Writer's Block

Writer's block became more frequent as I have navigated the lack of empathy for factual writing, which often follows a logical sequence, personal writing is unpredictable. To overcome this, I am practicing free writing—allowing thoughts to flow without judgment—and using prompts to stimulate creativity. To make it easier to explain and not repeat what I am saying 

Managing Privacy Concerns

Writing in a personal style raised concerns about privacy. Sharing intimate details of my life is daunting, and I have to establish boundaries. I am learning to write about personal experiences in a way that protects my privacy while still offering valuable insights to my readers.

The Power of Storytelling

One of the most profound lessons was the power of storytelling. Personal stories have the ability to inspire, educate, and connect people. Through diary-style writing, I discover how narratives could convey complex ideas with simplicity and emotion, making them more impactful than dry facts alone.

Building Empathy

Diary-style writing is teaching me the importance of empathy. By sharing my vulnerabilities and challenges, I open the door for readers to share their own experiences. This two-way exchange fostered a sense of community and understanding, enriching both my writing and the reader's experience.

The Joy of Reflection

Writing in a diary-like manner encouraged reflection. It allows me to process my thoughts and emotions, offering clarity and insight. This reflective practice not only improved my writing but also contributed to my personal growth and emotional well-being.

My final thoughts 

Transitioning from an information-driven writing style to a diary-like approach has been a transformative journey. It has enriched my writing, fostering deeper connections with my audience, and allowing me to explore topics in a more meaningful way. While challenges were inevitable, the rewards of authenticity, creativity, and empathy far outweighed them. As I continue to grow as a writer, I embrace this new style with enthusiasm, knowing that it aligns with my passion for storytelling and personal connection. Whether you are considering a similar transition or simply exploring new writing avenues, I encourage you to embrace the journey. After all, writing is not just about conveying information—it's about sharing a piece of your soul.

I hope you can join me in the next post.

Clinical Depression With Cerebral Palsy

Cerebral palsy is my main disability but as I have mentioned for me clinical depression is one of my secondary health concerns.

More often than that though it is the feelings because of my disability that cause me more problems.

It causes me to feel like I can't be bothered to write or anything. I can't even read or watch TV. Sometimes I eat as much as possible or nothing at all. Which in turn makes me feel guilty for not doing anything. This means that it often is a vicious cycle and why I have not written much.

The move and settling in to my new house has caused some unforeseen problems physically with my body and cerebral palsy which is why I have not written as much as I would have liked or needed to make this site professional or financially respectful. 

However I don't do it for the money, I do it for the chance to teach people about life with cerebral palsy and what comes along with it. So in the next series of posts I will be going through how both bits affect me. I hope you get information about how one or both affect my life. And maybe understand both or just one of the conditions. I hope you learn or understand a bit more about life with cerebral palsy and what comes along for me. 

A new direction again.

I have written many posts about cerebral palsy, and moving homes several times. Particularly the new home and everything else to do with it.

I only lightly touched one. The big thing that has actually been causing problems recently, and probably over the last few years, is the depression side of things.

Yes, I was getting ready for a move. Yes, I was in emergency housing here in the UK. For over a year. It wasn't perfect. Many people have bigger problems than me. And I was grateful for having a place to stay when I knew there were other people who needed and still need them. That chapter has now been and done.

I'm okay on that side of things now, but I'm still having depression episodes. I wanted to talk about that today as it's a way forward to writing things down and clarifying things.

I seem to only show I'm feeling great on a day to day and I wanted to talk about cerebral palsy. More often, the depression side of things has kicked in more than anything else and I think that is going to be the way that I'm going to write forward. Which is why I haven't been writing posts as much as I should.

It might be a way forward because it can be so depressing sometimes. I don’t always know what to say . Some people have begun to understand cerebral palsy now and it does change from day to day, and I will be talking about it.

But as I'm in a safe place, a place I can be safe even if I fall. I feel more comfortable meaning I will be more involved in the depressive side of things, because it's not so great. I don't know what everyone thinks about that for a new direction.

I had hoped to be more positive. But with things being the way things are.

I'm wondering if it is an option to go through and wondering what everyone else thinks. Then again I'm not sure that the emotional and mental side of things are really mentioned either.

Despite the initial discussion on mental health for everyone.

People with disabilities are often lumbered with mental health issues as well as the physical. And that's not often talked about. I hope to just shed a little bit of light on these issues.

Getting used to Living in a New Home

 

I want to talk about settling in the home as a disabled person. I say that because after the many moves over 14 months, this blog was on a semi-break/ hiatus because of not knowing how long I was to be in one place. I mentioned it in other posts such as What has been happening   But when I moved into my final home. I wrote a quick post a few months ago. about what I struggled with and mentioned the list below

This is a list of things that I wish I had known before moving into my final home. 

• Involve the person with cerebral palsy in the planning process as much as possible. This will help them feel more in control and invested in the new home.

• List any accessibility needs, to be addressed in the new home. This could include wider doorways, bathroom grab bars, or a lower kitchen counter.

• Start unpacking and setting up the new home one room at a time. This will help to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

• Familiarise the person with cerebral palsy with the layout of the new home. This will help them feel more comfortable and independent.

• Be patient and allow plenty of time for the person with cerebral palsy to adjust to the new home.

For me, because of the previous moves, I was in limbo which meant that I could adapt relatively quickly for the emergency homes. but this is the home I plan to live in permanently. My body could not adjust quickly to the realisation that it could relax. And not worry about falling and knowing was safe. 

it has taken months to get used to the idea that I could put my hands on the wall to steady myself or use any of my equipment such as the home-help trolly to help me walk around and learn the differences in the surfaces of each room. I mentioned this in an earlier post A few months. It still stands as valid now as it did then because my body still hasn’t completely relaxed into the realisation it's safe. I think that is because I am waiting for the final things to happen to make it finally ready for the future. That's okay though as I know that these are going to happen but I don’t know when. I'm just going to have to compromise until then. 

I hope you took note of the list in either post as I found that it was indispensable for the transition so far. I just wish my body would catch up with the reality that I have been living in a safe place for it for some time now and it won't relax properly consistently.